I wrote these lines one day, a very special day as every day is, because I AM ALIVE! Can all the love I feel, be expressed in simple words? Which ones do I use? Gracias, Thank you, Dear Lord for yesterday, today and tomorrow ,for waking us up this morning in this amazing island!
Thank you because no physical diseases, no complex medical names will ever change YOUR LOVE for us and our love and FAITH in you! When the word CANCER comes into our vocabulary for the first time, our flesh and mind become so weak; for days and days we wander about a shadow of our former selves, nothing seem to make sense.
Scary thoughts of dying by the next day, leaving behind the ones you love, unspoken words or things undone. How much time do I have my Lord? Am I strong enough to walk this path? Will I feel pain along the way? Am I prepared to face it all?
There is no way a human, a doctor, can answer all. That conversation is between US and HIM. There is no prescription but faith and trust, whether the decision is to take out our breast, our womb, prostate, a piece of skin an arm or leg. Oh please! Go ahead! CANCER, you will never, ever touch my soul. My Great Physician, my dear Lord, it’s your decision how long we remain on Earth.
The hair has gone, that is the least. The nails got dark and some have fallen. The eyebrow and eyelashes are all gone. There are hot flashes, bad feelings, dizziness, mood swings, over sensitivity to noise and smells.
My muscles and bones sometimes hurt so much that tears come to my eyes. Somedays I feel so drained to even walk or comb my daughter’s hair to name a few. I gained some weight, I look strange but it is still ME!
I AM STILL HERE because of YOU MY DEAR LORD, BECAUSE OF YOU! There are no written side effects like the ones the devil can give to us; he can put us down and prove our faith. He makes us say. Why me? The best reply I think can be: THANK YOU, BECAUSE IT’S ME! I can understand my patients more. I am yours Dear Lord, use me please, to spread your word in the land I live; to give back the love I feel today and every day.
I enjoy the fluffy clouds about Nevis Peak a lot more, an amazing rainbow after a rainy day, the daily sunset on the Caribbean Sea, or a loving touch from my soul mate. I happily trade a busy day at work for a date with my children, reading a fairy tale book or playing with toy dinosaurs.
When it’s too much for us to bear, when we cannot walk anymore; just close your eyes and you will feel, His loving hands carrying us; walking for us. Let’s lose our fear, He loves us all and only He holds our future in His hands. He is here, with each of us and because of that, let’s forget the problems and differences among us.
Life is so short, live each day as if it’s the last. Let’s celebrate together, today and tomorrow the blessing of his love, the blessing of life.
I feel his love, I have your love. I AM SO BLESSED. I AM TRULY BLESSED.
DR. Jessica Bardales-Essien