A nevispages weekly feature by Curtis Morton Sr
The way I see it, all of us would have had at least one really embarrassing moment in our lifetime.
The thing is, while that embarrassing moment is in progress, you cannot see the funny side to it, but with the passing of time, you may be even willing to share that moment and have a good laugh.
Other such moments, you may well want to take to your grave with you.
A friend of mine told me of one experience he had in New York. He was liming with the boys about a block away from the apartment where he was staying and suddenly felt the urgent urge to urinate.
Well, he would have already learnt that New York is not a place like Nevis, where some men just go and urinate any and everywhere!
So, he decided to make a run for it-back to the apartment.
As he busted through the front door of the apartment, he made a beeline to the one bathroom. To his horror, the bathroom was locked.
Someone was using it!
He looked around the room quickly and saw an empty bottle in a corner………..
One day also, I watched an elderly friend of mine, stop his car, in the vicinity of Best Buy in Gingerland and started hustling towards the nearby bushes. Before he could get to the bushes, sadly, his entire pant was wet down.
Well, I have had several embarrassing moments, in this one lifetime that God has so graciously loaned me and I want to share the most recent one.
It occurred today-Friday 16th April, 2021.
Now let me give a little background to this incident.
Dear reader, most of us who grow up in this Nevisian society, have learnt to pay due respect to the things that are considered SACRED and so, I would have learnt from way back in Primary school, that I had HOME CLOTHES; SCHOOL CLOTHES and CHURCH CLOTHES.
By extension, there were also home shoes (virtually non-existent); school shoes (a big maybe) and church shoes (definitely).
So, with that tradition deeply ingrained in my memory bank, I have maintained the status quo, all during my adulthood.
So, several years ago, I bought this particular pair of shoes in Puerto Rico, for about 29.00 US.
I loved the pair of shoes. They looked good and they were comfortable.
I designated them as Church shoes.
Okay, just over a week ago, the rubbery pair of WORK SHOES, which had served me well, for the past several months, gave out on me.
I looked at the three pairs of CHURCH SHOES that I currently have in my possession and decided that based on HISTORY and WEAR AND TEAR, I was going to redesignate that particular pair of shoes to the status of WORK SHOES.
I wonder if you are following me, because I feel like I am sounding confusing.
So, for the past week and a half or so, I looked a little more FLASHY in my ‘new’ work shoes.
Well, today I was doing some visits on behalf of the task force and in the vicinity of the hospital, I heard a particular weird flapping sound.
I looked down and to my horror, I realized that the sole from the right shoe had decided to remove itself partially from the rest of the shoe.
Well I newa!
I was facing a dilemma here!
I thought quickly and I told myself:
‘Self, you are near a hospital, but hospitals don’t fix shoes!’ So what to do?
Then I had a brilliant idea. I would go to Ram’s store and buy me a new pair of shoes.
When I checked my wallet, I remembered that I was due to go to my favourite banking institution, the Nevis Credit Union, to collect some money.
To be honest, I wished that I could have parked near the front door of the Credit Union because by this time, the stupid shoe was making a lot of flapping noise!
Sadly, there was no parking available close to the Credit Union and the Public Works crew, chose that very day, to close off the nearby road, as they were building a sidewalk or something of the sort.
So, I had to park, all the way above the wall bordering the Methodist church’s parking lot.
Let me tell you this: The walk from my bus to the Credit Union, took an eternity.
I had to quickly learn how to walk CUTE.
I figured out that when I was passing close to people, I would slide my right foot, like I was doing the ELECTRIC SLIDE and that would lessen the sound.
When I was passing the Public Works fellas, it took me about twenty years and one of the guys chose that very moment to ask me a question!
Of course, I had to be polite, but that was one time I did now want attention to be drawn to myself.
Well, I literally dragged myself into the Credit Union, all the time hoping that the Security guard at the door, did not look down.
As I stepped inside the main banking area, I forgot for a moment and tried to walk in my normal style and I heard this loud flap!
The young lady behind me laughed out.
Oh my—she had noticed!
I stood in that line, trying to play busy as if I was using my phone, but every second that ticked away was like an hour!
By the way, I like the tiles in the Credit Union. As a moved up in the line, I just did the Electric Slide-no more flapping.
Eventually, I got attended to and slid my way to the front door of the institution.
Now, I had to step down from the main door to the outside and by now the sole was about three-quarters of the way off.
I glanced quickly at the guard and put my foot down neatly and then slid.
I also decided not to pass back by those Public Works men. I needed to get back to my bus urgently, without any delays.
You know, I decided to walk the long way. There was nobody on that side.
So, I walked towards the main entrance of the Methodist Church and through that alleyway where my former classmate, Mariella, used to live and then up that road by the Nevis Solid Waste Management Authority’s office.
As I was nearing the corner, close to my bus, the inevitable happened:
The sole came off totally!
A fella was passing at the same time and I paused as if I was looking for something until he had passed and then I picked up the sole and continued walking.
Now, that walk was uncomfortable as well.
It was a HOP and DROP walk, because one shoe was higher than the other!
When I got into my bus finally, I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God for taking me through the ordeal.
The journey from the bus to the Credit Union and back, seemed to have lasted just as long as my previous trip from St. Kitts to London!
I had the money now, but I decided not to go to Ram’s but to head home instead and look for a suitable pair of shoes to work in.
Fortunately, I found an appropriate pair.
Out of the ordeal, I remembered that wonderful consoling text in the bible:
1 Corinthians: 10: 13: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
Well, on that day, God certainly provided a way of escape for me and I hope that you, dear reader, will be similarly consoled, when your embarrassing moment comes along.
That’s the way I see it. How do you see it?